So much has happened in my life over the past few months that has made me want and need to write this post. Some people might not like it. Some may be appalled at what I say. And that's fine. Because sometimes the truth hurts - especially when society and even friends around us have given us a false truth to hold on to...a false god to believe in.
I've been reading this blog, http://bensauer.blogspot.com/, for a few weeks now. Basically, this mother is writing about her dying 4-year-old son who has weeks to live because he has a cancerous brain tumor. To make matters even harder, he has an identical twin brother who he will be leaving behind and the mom is expecting a baby girl in a few months. Her faith in God is incredible and reading her thoughts throughout this painful journey is eye-opening. I can't help but almost cry with her. What parents want to outlive their child? What can we say to this mother who weeps every night with her husband because her son is going to die?
Well, I'll tell you what not to say. I've heard it so many times in a variety of situations. This so-called "consoling" line some people resort to: "It was God's will."
God's will?! Would you seriously tell this woman that it is God's will that her son suffers and dies at the age of 4? Or how about to the woman who just had a miscarriage? Or the expecting mother whose husband was robbed and shot to death ? Or to the family who lost their teenaged son or daughter in a car accident? You would tell them this was God's will?
It sounds consoling at the moment, but if somebody told me God willed such horrible things, I would think twice about being a Christian. How could a loving God want such things?
Truth is, He doesn't. God doesn't will death. In fact, He never intended death to be in this world. Death was never a part of His plan. Death doesn't come from God, it comes from us. It's a result of sin. God allows it to happen because we have free will, but it was never a part of His original plan. Ben's mom said it best:
"After Adam and Eve bit that apple, disobeying the only command He had given them, He didn't throw up His hands and say, "Oh, well. There goes humanity. I tried." Instead, He had compassion. It hurt Him to have to send His best creation out of the beautiful garden. He offered them another chance. But this time, they had to live with the consequences of their sin."
This doesn't mean that, since death comes from sin, the mom of this 4-year-old has committed some serious sins and she's being punished. And the tumor definitely isn't a result of Ben's sins. Death and hardship are result from sin in general. It started with Adam and Eve and will go on until the end of time. We can't stop it. But what we can stop is feeding people lies about our God.
Our God is the giver of LIFE, not the destroyer. He wills many things for us, but death isn't one of them.
Now that we got that cleared up, onto the next, more popular lie. This one is said at every wake, every funeral, every everything that has to do with death. It's a very comforting statement to hear and to say, but are we being honest when we say it?
You've all heard it: "They're in Heaven now," or "They're in a better place."
This is something we so desperately want to believe when a loved one dies. That they aren't suffering. That they're finally happy. That they're in a better place: Heaven.
What I've experienced, especially this past year, is that the majority of people know that there is a Heaven and a Hell. And they know that there are people who go to Heaven and people who go to Hell. The line gets fuzzy when people start dying, and everybody that they know is automatically in Heaven, no doubt.
I'm not saying that they're not in Heaven, but I'm also not saying that they are. Truth is, we never really know. We can look at there life and compare it to what the Bible says and get a good assumption, but who are we to be the judge and say they're in Heaven or not?
Reality is, when tragedy comes around, we treat Heaven as if everyone will go there, regardless of their lifestyle and belief in God. Heaven has turned into this fantasy place. A consoling line. A lie.
The Heaven I believe in is different than the Heaven most people resort to when tragedy comes. My Heaven is something I strive for each and every day. To be able to get into my Heaven, I have chosen to live a certain way of life. A life for God. A life most people laugh at and ridicule. A life that many people will never fully understand.
Why have I taken the path less traveled? Because the Bible specifically tells me to!
"For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it." Mathew 7:14
and
"Not everyone who calls out to me, 'Lord! Lord!' will enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Only those who actually do the will of my Father in heaven will enter." Matthew 7:21
When death comes, we disregard all that the Bible says. We forget, or choose to ignore, that God is merciful and just.
So why do we create this fantasy heaven in our mind? Because we want to believe that Heaven is an easy place to get to; that we don't have to do much to enter the Kingdom.
I want to believe everyone goes to Heaven when they die...unless they have bad hygiene, then they can stay out. Just kidding. But for real, the Bible tells me a different story and I can't ignore it. Instead of resorting to, "They're in a better place," (unless you're really positive that they are), just speak truth. Say, "I'm praying for you." Or give them a fond memory of the person who died. But don't give them a false heaven, a false story of what it takes to get there.
People need to know that Heaven isn't handed out, right and left. It's something we have to choose here on earth. We choose it by living a life of holiness, a life for God. If we choose God every day, we're choosing Heaven. If we don't choose God every day, how can He say, "Oh, you choose me. Now you can come into Heaven!" We have free will. God isn't going to force us into Heaven. It's something we have to choose constantly. This means not only accepting your salvation, but doing what God asks of us for the rest of our lives. How we live on earth determines how we're going to live in Heaven...or Hell. But that will be saved for another post, since there are some Christians who believe the 'Just say the magic words and you can have Heaven' stuff.
What I'm trying to say is, the "They're in a better place" line might help with the grieving process, but don't do it. Find something truthful to say, instead.
As a devout Christian, I actually feel insulted when that line is said. It's degrading to my God and it disregards everything He has told us. It makes me feel like I'm living the way I am for no reason. It's frustrating when people think you can still have worldly lives and everything that comes with it, and still go to Heaven. But when it comes down to the correct theology of Heaven and Hell, you can can't have both worlds. You just can't. You either choose Heaven, and leave the life of this world behind, or you choose Hell and embrace the deceitful joys of money, fame, and physical pleasures.
Bottom line is, if you want to console someone, please do. Just don't do it with your own, man-made version of the Bible.