"A way for young people to hide behind a significant other instead of dealing with life’s highs and lows on their own. It’s a safety blanket. It’s an admission that the world is just too big and scary to deal with it on your own; thus, you now have someone that is legally obligated to support you till one of you dies or files for divorce."
And, just to name a few, here are some "more satisfying" things she suggested doing instead of getting married:
- Make out with a stranger
- Disappoint your parents
- Get a tattoo because it's more permanent than marriage
What came to mind after reading her post was, "She must have had some bad relationship experiences and her parents probably had a nasty divorce." After getting over the fact that I was appalled by everything she said, my heart ached for her. As a psychology major, I can only imagine what life events she has gone through to prompt her to write something like this. I wonder how many men have mistreated her...used her. I question if she has a healthy relationship with her father...if he's even in the picture.
I don't know about you, but it seems like every little girl I know, including me, starts dreaming about her prince charming at a very young age. I know I did. I mean, how could you not? That's what all the Disney princess movies we grew up on were all about! And then you hit your teenage years and start planning your wedding. You start thinking about what qualities you'd like in your future husband. If you've had a good relationship with your dad, you start to realize that what you're looking for in a husband is almost a mirror image of your own dad. Not identical, but the core characteristics are about the same.
So, I just wonder....
How different would this world be if girls grew up with a good father? If boys grew up learning how to properly treat a woman?
How different would this world be if moms and dads would choose to stay together and not be a model of divorce?
How different would this world be if young men and women could grew up with a healthy example of what a relationship and marriage should look like?
I think Vanessa is an accurate example of girl who doesn't have a strong father figure in her life. Someone who has been let down multiple times. Who has had endless hurts and disappointments. It's sad.
Maybe she has had some bad dating relationships that have given her a sour taste of marriage and commitment, but I believe everything gets traced back to the father in, or, maybe in this case, not in her life.
Dads, we need you. We're living in a world where young girls are starving themselves to fit into manikin-sized clothing. A world where 13-year-old girls feel like their faces need to be caked with make-up to be considered beautiful. A world that brainwashes girls and women to wear provocative clothing since that's what "men" want. A world that convinces us our self-worth is found in how many boyfriends we can get.
There is only one cure for this nonsense that will help young girls and women stop believing these worldly lies. That cure is called dad.
Yes, a dad is all it takes! But I'm not talking about some guy who pays child support or who lives at work. I'm talking about a real dad.
A dad who is actively involved and interested in his daughter's life.
A dad who tells his daughter she is beautiful, even on her worst days.
A dad who shows his daughter how she deserves to be treated.
A dad who explains how much she is worth to him and to the world.
A dad who makes her feel like she is a precious jewel.
A dad who tells her that he loves her and wants the best for her.
A dad who respects and loves his wife and shows his daughter what to look forward to.
A dad who exemplifies what true marriage is.
This ideal dad is lacking in today's world. That's why we have so many young girls and even older women trying to find their self-worth in men...because they weren't built up by their dads. They weren't told how beautiful they were or that they deserved a real prince charming.
Vanessa is a prime example of a girl getting her heart broken one too many times by guys and finally getting fed up with the whole relationship/marriage notion. She's a vision into the future of many girls growing up without a real dad. Without an example of marriage and all its beauty between her mom and dad.
It literally breaks my heart to see so many girls today lowering their standards and settling for any guy who will have them. To see girls obsessed about their looks because they don't feel pretty enough. To see girls growing up without a dad, even if he's actually present in their lives.
Dads, we need you. We really do. Too many daughters are growing up unaffirmed and unloved. What they hear from you will shape their future. So don't be uninvolved. Don't miss a chance to tell her how much she's worth. She needs you.
But her future isn't just affected by how you treat her. How you treat and love her mother is just as important. Your relationship with your wife is going to be the clearest example of love for her. If you disrespect your wife and belittle her, your daughter will go into a relationship thinking that kind of treatment is normal. If you give your wife no say in your marriage, your daughter will grow up believing what she wants doesn't matter once she gets married.
Dads, give your daughter a clear vision of love. What is means to be loved and what it means to love. Exemplify with your wife what a healthy marriage and relationship looks like. And, just as important, show her what it feels like to be loved and honored by a man. Are you being an example of a man you would approve of for your daughter to date? If not, it's time to take your role of "dad' more seriously, more intentionally.
Ultimately, it is your number one calling to show your children how God loves them. Like God, your love should be unconditional, compassionate, selfless, and real. How you love your daughter will affect her relationships in the future, especially her relationship with God. Her earthly father's love will give her a vision of how her Heavenly Father loves. Be that godly example for her. Show her the love God has for her.
There are too many lazy dads in this world, which can explain a large portion of teen pregnancy and high divorce rates. Actually, it can explain a vast number of issues in today's world.
So dads, let's step it up so your daughter can have a better future.
Be a real man.